4/29/07 4:00 AM

Now that she has short, dark, choppy hair, Kelly Clarkson looks a lot like Kelly Osborne.

That's not a good thing.

4/29/07 8:38 AM

How do albino rabbits know when they have pink eye?

4/28/07 11:08 PM

I think life would be more fun if we still got to throw vegetables at entertainers we didn't like.

4/28/07 6:34 PM

I did not mow my lawn out of guilt. I mowed my lawn because my son was lost in the weeds out back.

4/28/07 2:38 PM

Attention all GQ advertisers. If your ad appears before or within the table of contents, I totally ignore your ad while I try to find the actual content.

4/28/07 89:51 AM

And there was much rejoicing.

4/28/07 18:50 AM

Why do only "old wives" have tails?

4/27/07 8:09 PM

Kevin is good at weinering.

4/26/07 41:43 PM

I'm not naked.

4/26/07 8:34 AM

If spring is when love is in the air, that could explain why so many people have allergy problems that time of year.

4/25/07 4:49 PM

If there is no such thing as a free lunch, we'll just call the food I ate today dinner.

4/25/07 1:18 PM

Sometimes when a vending machine messes up and the food item someone wanted gets stuck and doesn't drop, I will buy the item so I can get 2 for the price of one, even if it's not really what I wanted.

4/25/07 12:45 PM

Lots of people named Richard go by their initials to avoid the risk of being called "Dick".

4/25/07 10:28 PM

Is it just me, or did you think that when Bono announced he was writing a song for "Idol Aid", did you think he was trying to raise money to get the show off the air?

4/24/07 4:38 PM

It seems wrong for "Cervesas Mexicanas" to be headquartered on White Plains, NY.

4/23/07 1:06 PM

If all the people who act like they are on crack are really on crack, it's only a matter of time until Wal Mart starts to sell cheaper Chinese crack.

4/23/07 8:34 AM

If Sheryl Crow only uses a maximum of 2 squares per trip to the toilet, it's no wonder Lance Armstrong dumped her.

4/23/07 7:28 AM

Unless they have their own TV show, 8-year olds do not need business cards.

4/22/07 10:45 PM

How does the chick in the Maxoderm commercial know the guy is using it if they just met in that bar?

4/23/07 10:31 AM

OK, so St. Augustine lived his life banging everything in sight, but when he gets old he has a "conversion" and decides sex is evil.

If there had been Viagra way back then, I wonder if he'd have had those "revelations".

4/23/07 8:21 AM

Every time I flush the toilet my cat runs in and looks down in the bowl.

What the hell does she expect to see, and why does she always look disappointed as she walks away?

4/22/07 9:58 PM

Albino Rabbit Cheez Whiz

4/22/07 7:23 PM

If we wear magnet bracelets and have needles stuck in us because it's "Traditional Eastern Medical Treatment", do Asians use leeches because it's "Traditional Western Medical Treatment"?

4/22/07 4:24 PM

You know, you can tell which guys at the grocery store are the ones that are hoping to pick someone up. They're the ones that spend all their time in the produce section.

I keep waiting for one of them to tell a woman she has "nice melons".

4/22/07 11:57 AM

You know, Ann Coulter might not be so fucking angry all the time if she'd just eat something.

4/22/07 11:17 AM

I am not going to feel guilty that my lawn needs mowed just because the guy next door mowed his. He still has his Christmas lights up for God's sake!

Now, if the guy on the corner mows...